The Twilight Saga

The fetus is incompatible with your body.

Twilight. The story of true love between a flat faced vampire and a girl who is cursed with never being able to smile and throw into this mix a Native American family of Werewolves (because the majority of remaning Native Americans are of course beasts that can turn werewolf at any moment) and you have a story that cannot fail right?

The last 5 years we have been blessed with these four books written by Stephanie Meyer being adapted into 5 big screen films and this week saw that finale.

When it first hit the screens a new breed of person was born… ‘Twi-Hards’ and soon after the teams were created, Team Edward and Team Jacob, not that this would count towards the final outcome. The first three films consisted of Bella (Stewart) and Edward (Pattinson) get together just for him to go cold on her and she go off with Werewolf-boy  Jacob (Lautner) only to dump him and go back to the ice-blooded vampire vegetarian that is Edward… Emosh stuff yeah? Almost as up and down as an episode of Hollyoaks.

The next film adaptation (Breaking Dawn) was deemed so good it had to be split into two parts, this must mean some sort of epic end to the series, just too many loose ends to tie up from the previous three films! When recalling Part 1 all I can remember is Bella drinking lots of blood from a plastic cup while being more miserable than usual followed by her having a CGI baby ripped from inside her and then being turned into a Vampire, which is what she always had wanted and I really still don’t know why instead of Edward making this big deal out of the whole situation he didn’t just do in the first place!

So, the end… The final part… The biggun! What happened? For one they cast Dakota Fanning in quite a large role and then gave her one line… ‘Pain’. Easy money for her I guess but come on! What a waste! Another bug bear I had with this film is the fact that every vampire suddenly had an extra bloody super-power, some extra strength, some could make people blind and deaf with mist, Fanning could apparently make anyone have constipation when she looked at them and Bella had a ‘special’ power of being a ‘shield’ she could block these powers, pretty cool right? Pretty convenient. So all these new Vampires we have never seen before from all over the world are brought in to fight the Cullens’ case and I swear none of them have a line or a point, they’re just… well… there.

So the end… I wouldn’t continue reading if you don’t want a spoiler but here goes… The ending is nothing short of epic and having seen the rest it somehow (and I’m not ashamed to say this) tugs on your heartstrings. A number of the lead characters die in a pretty cool fight with the evil Vampire council led by Michael Sheen. The special effects are really something (apart from the decapitating that quickly grows old) but the dogs looks great as they run and jump round the landscape. Then… THEN… they take this away. None of it happens, instead replacing it with a vision of what ‘could have happened’ if Sheen had chosen to fight. The best and probably most heart-felt scene of the whole series (which wasn’t hard let’s be fair) was taken away from me and replaced with something that was meant to be more deep and heartfelt but only looked like a fan-made video ripped from some YouTube ‘Slash’ account set to cheesey music that went something like “I’ll love you for a thousand years yeeeaaah“…

So the ending, it was a let down when everything is taken into account but it kind of came to be expected with a series as morally misguided and shallow as this was with Jacob who basically was the nicer guy losing out to one hell of a bastard of a Vampire. So I guess that makes me Team Jacob. One thing I can take away from this film was another amazing performance from Michael Sheen who seems to be able to turn his hand to literally everything and anything I have seen him in, one of the most entertaining British actors to watch.

I think the frustrating thing about this film is it could have probably been really good, it has the characters and the ideas but the story lets it down greatly. I think if the books were more a guideline and the films took a style more towards the last 3 Harry Potter films it would feel a lot darker and more fun.

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